Me n My Madness – IV

Well, there is no end to learning… then why should there be a beginning? I had asked this question to almost every one of my friends and they had no clue. That made me more confident and my instincts got much stronger, ‘I won’t begin my studies…’

I believed in miracles so much to the extent that I believed without slogging late nights I’ll still get good ranking! So while others went to temples to pray for that miracle, I got hooked up with my madness. Except for Mr. Foker, no one allowed us to be seated in the class for more than 10 minutes. Days had come when we used to step out voluntarily as the teachers stepped in. Now, that’s what I call pro-activeness!

It was mathematics class and the teacher was very particular about discipline. As he was closely watching everyone while he spoke, he noticed madness glued to her book.

‘Will you stand up, please?’ ordered the gutsy man. She didn’t stand, instead gave a silly smile. He went up to her to see what she was reading. To his surprise it was a magazine that she was reading. He snatched the book and yelled… ‘Get out of here!’

‘Sir, I’m not the only one. He’s also reading a magazine…’ she pointed at me. Mr. Mathematics was so confident of my studiousness that he instantly asked me to get lost before checking.

‘What’s so great in taking already intelligent kids and make them toppers?’ she asked.

‘That’s why you and I should’ve been in a government school.’ I answered.

‘But I like this school. Look at this lawn. No one comes and disturbs us!’

‘Yes, while others are seriously working to enjoy their future we are enjoying our present!’

‘Let’s go and have pani-puri… please!’ she almost begged.

‘You couch potato. We’ll sit here only. Next class is lab, we’ll have some fun’

It was chemistry lab and almost no-one had thrown us out of laboratories. We hadn’t realized we were actually good at ‘some’thing! The lab attendant was never helpful to anyone other than Riya. ‘If just Riya attends the lab and gives a proxy on behalf of 80 others, everyone would get attendance.’ This was a known fact right from the 1st day. While he was busy teaching her one by one everyone started walking out of the lab. At the end of the class it was only Riya and the attendant but everyone was marked present!

Madness was angry with him and had promised to teach him a lesson. She had replaced water with concentrated H2SO4 in the burette. As he came close to Riya to teach the next experiment, he went on to stir the burette before someone held his hand from behind…



To be continued…

Me n My Madness – III

Though I hated Biology, I liked one thing a lot in it! You know what… don’t you? ;) Those were the days of college 2 years ago when I enjoyed my bio classes waiting to see the action and reaction of everyone. It was the 1st day of Zoology and my all-time favorite lecturer Mr. Fokker had come all drunk almost about to fall on the dais! Such an impressive personality… such a terrific appearance! So he had 2 gifted names from us… The 1st one you already guessed… 2nd one was terror!!! 3 rhyming names… lol

‘So boyzzz and garlzz … don’t worry… talk to each other… enjoy with each other…’ were his first words of wisdom, to which someone from behind shouted…

‘How Sir? They are sitting away from us…’

‘You get up…’ oh no! He was pointing me. I thought I’m screwed up. But also thought he’s drunk and he can’t do much to me. So I got up.

‘You come here on the dais!’ I almost followed him like Ekalavya!

‘You are a very smart guy.’ He started patting me. ‘So tell me boy, what is the aim of life?’

I was thinking hard before another brat yelled from the last bench…

‘Reproduction, Sir!’

The classroom broke down into one laughter challenge auditorium. Some even started beating him with joy!

‘Hey, why are you laughing? He’s right. You are here because of reproduction, you are here for reproduction! That’s life my friend’

Now the class was nothing different from a fish market.

‘Now you tell me boy. You said girls are away from you. Which girl do you like?’

Well, that was another difficult question for the day. But my madness was always there to put me in trouble.

‘This girl, Sir’ she pointed towards Riya.

‘Now you go and sit with her.’

Then he came close to my ears and whispered, ‘You’ll enjoy a lot…’ and patted me on my bum with the duster!

The moment I saw him, I was his ekalvya so again I followed him. I was seated between Riya and my Madness! It was such a wonderful and thrilling moment. I was getting goose bumps and Riya put her hand on my thigh to make me feel comfortable while I felt something else!

While I was in my wonderland another terror broke down! The bulldog had barged into the classroom… Sssssssh! That was the pet name we had given to our dearest dean! His eyes rolled over to me in the middle bench and asked me to stand up.

‘Is this your in-laws’ house?’ all fishes in the fish market were dead by now except one silly shark!

‘ha ha ha hahaha ha ha ha hahahahahaha ha ha
ha ha hahahahahahahahaha
ha ha ha ha ha ha’
Mr. Terror was laughing unstoppably.

‘Who asked you to sit here?’ asked the bulldog ignoring the terror.

‘Mr. Fokker asked him to sit here to help us, Sir’ my madness whispered.

The bulldog had walked out…

Mr. Fokker was close to the minister who was running our college and the dean couldn’t say a word against him.

‘Don’t be scared my boy! Such interruptions will be there in life. But you should not forget the aim of your life… you carry on!’

By then my madness was resting on my shoulder and Riya was flowing her hand on my right thigh. I didn’t know I had 2 aims for my life…

To be continued…

Me n My Madness – II

It was for the 1st time that I had gone there. Even as a kid I wondered what and how it looked like? Why we are not supposed to go there? But here I am today thanks to Madness!

She was continuously vomiting and I was helping her at the wash basin while other women who were coming out of the rest room gave me an angry stare! They were looking at me as if I was the reason for her vomiting… one of them even commented – ‘today’s boys have no control’. As I was about to argue, I understood what she meant and I just blinked my right eye at her! My madness also started laughing… have you seen anyone laugh and vomit!?

‘Do you want sundae?’ I asked.
‘No I want today’ she again cried.
‘Since when have you been so foolish?’
‘Why do you always call me foolish? I was the topper…’
‘…in your K.G. And after that…?’
‘It’s just that they put me to school very early.’
‘Why don’t you do one more thing a little early?’
‘What thing?’
‘Get married…’
‘…to whom? Who will marry me? I’ve to revise my mathematics papers… let’s go now’
So that’s madness… she starts her topics when I don’t want and ends it when I really want it to go on! Well, it’s not new for me. Now I need to bear her mathematics!!! Ughhhhhh!!!

‘I’ll teach you algebra later. We’ll first do zoology. Ok?’ I asked with enthusiasm.
‘I know why you want zoology? Very smart!’
‘Because I don’t know…’
‘No, you don’t want to teach me. You only want to learn from me… you are selfish, silly fish, bad fish!’
‘Look, night time is good for zoology. So we’ll do it now. I’ll teach you algebra in the morning. Please……….’ I pleaded.
And, as always she agreed. My madness turned into sweetness!

‘Ok, we’ll start with respiratory… ’
‘… no no. I know respiratory very well. We’ll do the last section.’
‘But firstly, let’s do some revision. I’ll ask you questions now’
‘OK’ :(
‘So open your mouth and show me the different types of muscles.’
‘I still need to revise… you teach me last lesson and I’ll revise altogether’ I was waiting!
‘First you learn digestive and respiratory lessons. Without that last one cannot happen’
Yes she was right. But how would I make her understand everything happens on its own except the last one!?



To be continued…

Me n My Madness – I

‘You shameless, useless, worthless, senseless, brainless …’ she was going on and on! I didn’t say anything as always. These days I had started realizing the disadvantages of getting late. You are too late for breakfast and too early for lunch! But mummy dear never bothered what time I got up. All she had to feed me off late were those beautiful words out of which I lessened out the ‘less’es and loved myself as someone with shame, use, worth, sense and brain.

Sitting at home for 2years is not easy for many people I’ve seen. They ask me sarcastically, ‘when will you become serious about your studies and life? For how long will you keep failing?’ I really don’t care about what they have to say. Because I know that they are jealous, I know that even they want to do nothing but are scared about the world! I’m not scared about the world … I’m only scared about my madness…!!!

‘You shameless, useless, worthless, senseless, brainless …’ her mother was going on and on! She didn’t keep quite like me. It was a big fight and loud screams out of my neighbor’s window. There were sounds of some utensils in the kitchen and stray dogs gathered to see who was making more noise than them!

We were both out of our houses and were staring at each other from inside the compounds. It was my turn to go out 1st and wait at the corner near a U-turn from our house which leads to a graveyard in front of a beautiful park. Even after waiting for 2 hours she had not come. I knew where she had gone, as always…

Instead of coming to the banyan tree around the corner or waiting for me at the park she was sitting and crying inside the graveyard.

‘You know there’s no one in my family who has died ever since I was born?’ she said.

‘Are you crying because you want to see someone buried from your family?’

‘No, I saw my mother’s name on that grave and started crying!’ she cried.

‘Let’s go from here… its lunch time now’

‘No, I want to booze today and forget all failures of my life’, she said depressingly.

‘OK, let’s go to K’

Very soon we were at the K Pub which was quite near to both of our houses. We had an agreement between us that whoever gets out of control would be taken care of by the other. We had our own reasons to get over drunk… sometimes it was out of pleasure and at times it was for sadness. Whatever the reason, one thing was common… her madness!

‘You know how much I’m in love?’ she asked.
‘No, I don’t know. You’ve not told me’.
‘What’s there to say? I’m not speaking truth just because I’m drunk… I always say this’
‘Ok, so you want me to love you as well?’
‘Idiot, you would you love me? You sicko!’ [That was not ‘you’ it was ‘why’ in her language.]
‘Then who are you in love with?’
‘My mother!’
‘Ok my dear madness. Spare me, let’s go out. You’ve had enough!’
‘No, please hold my hand. Take me to the dance floor. I want to dance till I fall off!’

I didn’t want a ‘zara sa jhoomloo main’ in a public place but she had already dragged me in. As the dancing continued, she fell off on my shoulder and I took her to the room where only 2 of us were in…



To be continued…