1.
Hot
summer in its peak, impetuously extracting every single drop of sweat off the beasts
wandering anywhere under the Sun while none got spared, however few trees bent
to show they cared. Red mud off the ground, none seen on the road to ask for a
thing that would eat away the thirst! Some remote noises of heavy load vehicles
to beat the silently laid route, en-route was the peacefully sleeping lake
reflecting lush green trees that stood by its shores. Then a road that fell
steep down to the destination…
A
destination that was well thought of and eventually he was heading towards his own knowing where he would land, what he’s going to find. It was new, but
he knew from his very own imaginary view of what stood ahead. Walking down for
a mile under the hot Sun carrying a bag that was packed to survive for days or
months until the purpose was solved.
The town was unlike many of the other towns he had known and had a long history
that dated back to over 900years. It was a small town, also a district
headquarters that stood upon a 621m elevation, weather being hot and humid for
most part of the year. Despite its long existence, it remained unknown in the
present times with no contribution to either natural resources or literacy or
prosperity. No news appeared beyond its boundaries; no crime was of particular
interest and was mostly unheard of even to those neighbouring districts. He had
seen pictures of a few places that spoke nothing particular about being there –
right there!
Walking
on the muddy road with designer clothes on, he looked more of a geek than one
among the locals, who gave obvious stares at the alien. He smiled and most
didn’t smile back. He least bothered and kept walking even as he didn’t quite
manage to get any help from anyone about the address of the cave. None of the
famous maps showed a single route to the cave-temple as no one cared for a cave
that was discovered in 12th century in this unknown town some
hundred miles below the centre of Indian subcontinent.
Water bottles were exhausted and none sold one anywhere nearby. But he had promised not to lose his patience much before setting off, and continued, trying hard
to enjoy the sight that was deserted. The lake on to his left provided some
cool breeze briefly, as he walked few more miles past noon into the evening. He
found a hoarding that showed up some direction to the cave and felt relieved
for being on track.
There he stood overlooking the lake underneath a big tree enjoying the evening breeze
for a while and felt a sense of rejuvenation as he looked below. There were no
steps or escalators but a muddy slide of about 10 or 15 feet from where he
stood to the entrance of the cave. There were half broken walls that served as
compounds and about 3 to 4 rooms glued to each other on one side behind which a
few glimpses of the lake seemed to appear. There were banyan and mango trees
that stood covering the whole of the cave-house, making it a cool habitat in its
region. Birds made piercing noise depicting the joy of getting home and the sky
above him was cooling down. It was all muddy, leafy, untailored and untidy. But
there were all smiles on his face looking at this scenic beauty and the tired
mind was falling into peace.
Slowly opening his eyes, still enjoying the view he was calculating his steps
to descend. One step ahead, then taken back, another a little further but,
aback. He thought sitting down and sliding could be easy and stood firm for
once before venturing, when the silence was broken by a scary creature that
came running towards him. It looked black and ran fast, displayed its canines
as his legs shivered. At such times you should stand still he decided and the wild
dog almost bit him when it was hit badly by a few big stones from below. He
lost his balance with all this and fell in a way he had not planned and slid
badly to fall at the entrance of the cave like a rugged ball!
It pained badly and had already started itching when someone was laughing
almost uncontrollably making him embarrassed. It was a small boy who had thrown
stones at the dog and saved him, but was laughing at his fall. He came running
towards the stranger and helped him get on to his feet.
'Bhayya, is this how you climb down after
so much of planning?' he teased.
He smiled vaguely at the boy who looked quite mischievous and strong for his
age, who wore some old clothes and appeared to be back from school with a small
heavy bag on his back.
'Are you new to this place?'
'Yes, I've just come here and was looking
for the cave…'
'Oh! No wonder you've come from the wrong
way. See there,' he pointed - 'this
is the right way. You may either walk or choose to fall. I might not be there
to help you if you fall again' he laughed again.
'Thank you, can you get me some water?'
'No bhayya, you've to first wash your legs and visit the god. Else he will
punish you!'
'If I don't drink water now, I won't be alive’
‘Don’t worry, god will save you. Like he just did’
‘I see that god just descended in your form to save
my life. God, now may I please have some water?' he teased the boy.
'Ok, god is now pleased. So, there is the
tap son and you may drink as much water as you want on the condition that you first
pay him your alms'
Before
he would reply, the boy ran into one of the rooms noticing his mother.
At the other entrance where the half broken compounds survived, a tap was
planted to facilitate for washing and drinking purposes. He walked up to the
tap wanting to kill the thirst however no drop of water emerged from it. The
boy’s mother walked out of another room with a vessel container out of which
some water spilled. Without saying anything, she signalled him to join hands as
she poured water for him to drink and he consumed all until the last drop. She
smiled generously and looked puzzled at him.
He
went on to explain,
'I'm new to this place and I've come to see the
cave and a few other places in this town'
She didn't say anything and left with another smile.
'Mother, don't give him water. He has not
yet meditated' the small boy again teased him.
She signalled him towards the entrance of the cave and said, 'Here's the idol which you should see first
and then you can walk inside the cave. If you want to pray or meditate, don't
remain for long. It's getting dark'
He thanked her and looked at the idol which didn't generate any interest in
him. He looked at the lady again and observed that she was a widow with a son
who stayed at the cave house as a care-taker and yet looked younger in her 20s.
He walked into the cave with slow steps, almost like crawling and half bent not
to hurt his head. There was chilling wind generating inside and it looked like
a dark habitat with pleasant fragrance and a small lamp being lit near the
idol. There were chants of a voice that was strong and soothing and a trance
was developing in him. He looked at who it was...
Continues...
In
the lamp lit darkness and an aroma around him, slowly a face was appearing and
filling his vision. A bright face, a chanting voice, she looked like an
emerging Sun in the dark cave! What she chanted, he didn't quite understand but
was hooked onto. He waited as she slowly opened her eyes. She had a smile on
her face that would never die and also a sigh of worry as he read her deep
eyes. She might be just out of school or some college or was mocking a saint he
thought none of which was true!
She looked straight at him and he smiled back. Throwing a gesture of acceptance
she got onto her feet and walked out of the cave saying nothing to the stranger
nor asking his whereabouts and name or purpose! He stayed unmoved for a while
but felt the voidness and was puzzled to see a young girl in an avatar that was
meant for sanyasins. After a brief meditation which he failed at, he went
crawling out of the cave. The world outside now looked normal and nothing as
extra-ordinary as it was inside!
She was not seen outside anywhere in the surrounding while the boy again came
running back to him.
'Do you want to come to the lake?' he
asked.
He
noticed that the Sun was sinking behind and followed the boy.
'Where have you come from?' the boy
asked.
'From a city... can you take me around
this town?' the boy was not really excited.
'There's nothing in this town. Where are
you staying?'
'Can I stay with you? I just need a place to sleep and I don't know anyone in
this town' he
said to which the boy was happy and they were at the lake by then.
To the other end of the lake stood a big gang of trees aping a forest and the
Sun was half eaten by them. Sky looked red and blue wearing the setting Sun's colours.
Though there was no sea, he thought this was the most beautiful sunset he ever
saw. The waves were strong from the lake and the boy was playing along with his
friends enjoying the water splash while he sat on a small rock and exclaimed
louder than intended.
'Yes, it is beautiful. All that's natural
is!' said a voice from behind. It was the same girl in same avatar who also
sat on one of the many rocks in the mini jungle behind the lake.
'Where do you come from?' she asked
with the same blend of half smiling and half worried eyes. He stared again
since he had not seen someone with this strange mixture.
'I come from a city and I don't know
anyone here'
'Who told you about this place?'
'I had read about it somewhere and wanted
to visit once. Do you stay at the cave-house?' he asked.
'Yes. You don't have anything in this
town and if you've come in search of something you might just be disappointed.
How long do you intend to stay? It doesn't matter because you can wish to stay
at one of the rooms as long as you like it here' she said and started to
leave while the Sun had also left for the day to serve another part of the
world.
'Wait. You look very young to be a
sanyasin. Can you tell me your story?'
'I can't tell you because it’s not written by me and I don't have any rights to
share it. I have to respect the author. See you later for the dinner' and she had gone.
'Strange place, strange people' he
thought. But him coming to this town had also been a strange story which he
wished to keep a secret and thought he shouldn’t have asked her anything about
her past. But it still aroused curiosity in him about the girl who was younger
than him but seemed to be on a mission which he was in...
Continues...
She
left him there with something that always made him think when it came to
sharing someone’s problems with others. A few laughed in the back and others
were put off listening, both of which the victim never realized. As the waves
from lake got stronger and the night darker, he went on and on thinking about
the recent past where he had no peace of mind to the extent that he had come to
a completely strange place he knew nothing about deciding to stay disconnected
from the entire world he knew about!
He shared his problems with strangers and friends
realizing none could really help because it was him who had to decide, who had
to solve them. That didn’t bother him much, but as she said at such a young age
‘I can’t share my story with you because it’s not written by me’-had
made an impact on how he looked at things. ‘Yes, I’m here for a revival and
what happened with me should not be of any interest to anyone indeed’ he
thought and for a while he had stopped remembering his own problems and
sunk in another trance. There were shooting stars in the clear sky, lot many
stars than what he had seen in his entire life. No pollution, fresh air and
various birds that were heading home formed the part of his evening and he
admired himself for making that decision of coming here.
Slowly, but the night was running down and moon changed places which made him
realize he needed to feed himself after almost a day full of starvation. He
said goodbye to the lake for a while and started walking on the leafy,
muddy n thorny route back to the cave-temple-house that would be his habitat
from now on. For the first time he was walking without any light anywhere in
the dark night, without knowing where the steps fell, what lay ahead or what
the direction was!
A brightly lit lantern hung far across which made him believe it was the
cave-house. He remembered the slide and the dreaded dog and smiled at his
innocence. He walked past the broken compound walls to enter and noticed that
the boy and his mother were sitting on a mat chatting with the sanyasin. They smiled
at him and greeted to be seated.
‘Can we have the food now ma?’ the boy pleaded. His mother got up to set the
dishes.
‘…we had to starve because of you!’ the boy complained at the stranger. He understood
that they were waiting for him for the dinner and smiled at the gesture.
They all ate well without talking anything and prepared to sleep somewhere
under the sky.
‘She might have slept inside the cave’ he thought about the sanyasin and felt
heavy with a simple yet tasty and healthy dinner that made him drowsy too.
After a long time in years, he slept to the fullest with no dreams or
interruptions and even the night had become his friend for a change which he
enjoyed. There was an absolute silence and peace for far across his new world…
Continues…
The
town looked different the next morning and he had started to believe it to be his home very
quickly. There was no boy when he woke up and his mother was probably
busy in one of the rooms which were not important to him. Inside the cave he
heard a few voices conversing and didn’t feel apt to interrupt and left for
exploration after a quick bath somewhere outside the broken compound.
Last
night’s meal made him lot heavier to have even walked the entire town. Various
people walked by but preferred not to talk to the stranger in him. If farm
fields stretched to his left, rock structures and ancient monuments decorated
his right. ‘How can such a beautiful place be so unknown’ he questioned. A
single long road took him through the interiors up to a small market place
where people bought all stuffs that were ever sold locally. On the way to the market he had cut through some more fields and a dense forest apart from widely spaced houses that he could almost count. He realized it was time for breakfast just when a restaurant caught
his attention and he ventured in. It looked large, old and empty. He was warmly greeted but was not offered any
food since the only cook was off. He was shown a small house nearby where he
could’ve gone for some food.
He was hesitant but knocked at the opened door. A
brawny man emerged out of the house and showed an unfriendly face as he
directed him in. He thanked the man and got no response. The house looked at least 100years old and unless one was a child, one had to really bend to get in. There were a few wooden tables placed next to and facing each other. He was allowed to select a chair of his choice and that meant picking the one that could take his weight. He was treated like
someone who’d come purely in search of food and a lady who appeared to be the
brawny man’s wife came out holding a large plate with lot of dishes. Any attempt to
converse was put off and the stranger didn’t feel comfortable. However
he ate all he got and left quietly promising not to visit this
house-restaurant again!
The breakfast made him feel much heavier than last night’s dinner. ‘When you’re
given something without heart in it, it’s very difficult to gulp let alone
digest’ he thought and continued walking along the streets. Like any other
place, the town had a mixture of young and old, strong n disabled, but what
made him ponder was there was none who appeared friendly! While all the shops looked empty with a sleepy shopkeeper, people outside looked either disinterested or grumpy. ‘May be I’m too strange for them, like an alien. Is it my attire’ he wondered. The Sun rose further making the roads hotter than ever. He decided to
get back to the cave-house hoping to play with the boy or talk to the sanyasin.
There was no public transport and the only carter who was free appeared too old
to drive, and so he walked back.
A middle-aged lady walked out of the broken compounds as he was entering in. He
observed that she had a few tears un-wiped and looked scared of being noticed.
He walked in and saw the sanyasin seated at the entrance of the cave. He went
and sat near her and said nothing as he was composing his thoughts. She looked
at him and knew what he thought. Thus, she said –
‘You must be back from the market. Did you see the places you wanted?’
‘I didn’t. I felt a sense of discomfort and hostility in your people and also
tired of walking further.’
‘What else did you feel about this place?’
‘The place is good, beautiful, but the people are not!’
‘Don’t you think the entire world is like that? Do you find people in your city
godly?’
‘No, but never did I feel this bad in a new place in just few hours!’
‘Yes, I told you yesterday that you won’t get any benefit here. If you’ve to
come to give, you stay. If you’ve come to receive, you leave’ she said and their conversation
paused.
He heard her carefully and wrote those words in air
trying to read between the lines. She meant great meaning in what she said and
let it sink in him as she waited…
Continues…
There
he sat for quite a while thinking about his journey. Had he come to receive or
give he didn’t really know! But her quote made him rethink over his intentions
and instincts. She had not intervened between him and his thoughts for a long
time but only watched him as though she read him until she got up and directed
him to follow her.
He walked behind the girl who crawled into the cave and once again a strange
wind generated inside which was calling him like a soft whirlwind. The
fragrance resurfaced like it was created with a strange aroma of mud n water n
rock, purely natural and strong. She walked ahead of him and cleared some space
for the both to be seated facing each other. The only light was that from a
lamp which was too dim but made the dark cave look bright!
On a wet muddy floor they sat and she indicated him
to close his eyes which he did. They took easy slow breaths like performing
yoga and could hear one another breath. Thus she spoke –
tvam kah aham kah vidasta
vettr
sah jaatr sah vayam nashta
Like a rhyme, with some melodious tune, she repeated many times and he was
sinking into her recital slowly. She reiterated 50 times or 100 he lost count
and quickly was lost in him-self. She observed him carefully and saw that his
closed eyeballs didn’t move. He was at ease, in her capture!
‘You’ve come from a city.’ she said.
There was no response.
‘You love your friends’
He nodded in acceptance and grumbled, ‘hmmm’
‘You love your family’
Same response!
‘You’ve come here leaving your life, leaving
everything’
Another acceptance!
‘Do you like people in this town?’ she expected rejection.
‘No’ he
said.
‘Do you still love her?’
There was no instant response but at once he opened his eyes in shock and gave
her an unbelievable look. There were questions in his eyes but she had the same
smiling face which further irked him. ‘She’s hypnotized me’ he thought and felt
deceived, got up and breezed out of the cave to the outside world which he
knew, which was normal. As she followed him and stood at the exit, he walked
out of the broken compounds ignoring her and marched towards the lake.
The lake was shining brightly reflecting the Sun above and danced with more
waves. He sat on one of the rocks very close to the lake and the water spill on
him like mocking him, teasing his foolishness. Sitting there he asked thousand
questions to himself losing self-belief and tears fled as the wanderer cried…
Continues…
Many
hours vanished and a hot sunny day was turning into a crimson red evening as
incidents from the past played in slow motion! His sweat face was being cooled
down by the trees around however the mind continuously thought and got heated
up. Sunk in a disguised world, his body felt the pain sitting on hard rocks and
he felt no mercy! 'You've to feel it, you need to feel this pain' he said to
himself again.
The
Sun who looked gorgeous last evening couldn't amaze him and fell silently
behind the lake. Red and orange sky almost wore a black blanket and so did the
lake, which also lacked waves or repulsions! A stone fell from somewhere and he
saw the soft water-bed being stirred slowly. He smiled gently, for the first
time that day! 'I'm stirred too, like you!' he thought and looked on.
Looking
around he wondered how his thoughts changed from being impulse to subtle, being
negative to a smile. 'If all that can happen within, with one-self, what’s
happening in the world is justified'. His world of people who ridiculed him,
the loved one who separated, a new world which appeared deserted - were making
more sense to him as he waged the war with himself. But that didn't lead into
any conclusion yet.
Night
was falling and he went further deep into his own self not caring about food or
shelter which he had anyways dejected before starting this journey. He had come
to find peace, to understand everything, to answer every question that ever
rose, to smile every day and to see everyone around him smile too. But very
early lost his sane mind and started feeling the same that he felt at his
origin.
'No',
he nodded and was coming into realization of the mistake that he feared of
committing. 'I can't lose it, I've come to search and have wandered enough. I
need to now sit back and create some space for it to sink in. What she said was
right. I'm here to give, not receive'
Having
said that loud and clear, he got up and stood on the rock feeling fresh cool
air that had come from the other end mixed with the water from the lake and
licked him gently all over his body. He felt a mild shiver, generous smile and
a hug from the universe that looked exactly the way he had loved it last
evening. 'Yes, it is the best scene indeed and I'm here to stay' he concluded
and the winds blew with more love and the leaves fell on to decorate the route
of their friend. 'We love you too' they all probably said!
Continues...
A
huge house with tallest of the compounds that looked like a bungalow or a
modern day mini palace was almost always lit up even if it meant a power cut in
the town. It housed the town’s most powerful people who ran all the important
businesses and were the richest people only next to the ministers’ family whose
house didn’t look half elegant as this one! It was almost midnight when he
walked back from the lake still contemplating whether to go back to the
cave-house or find shelter elsewhere after what had transpired with him during
the day that annoyed him about the sanyasin and also her habitat.
He couldn’t stop himself from noticing this bungalow, coming close by as he
heard several voices that seemed to be shouting at someone and made him sense
that something was really wrong in there! As he went further close to the
compound walls, he almost heard what they conversed.
‘Throw her out and don’t let her in’ some voice screamed. To his surprise, no one from the neighbouring
houses had come out to watch this rather disturbing fight in the middle of a
silent night. That also spoke how strong these people were and none dared to
interfere.
‘Go away… don’t forget you are only a slave
here, you’re only a woman’ were the last
of the words he heard before which a huge gate broke open and a woman was
flushed out of it like a bucket full of water! He noticed her bending from
behind and felt she was the same woman he had seen in the morning who had
walked out of the cave-house in tears.
He realized her people had gone in and probably
shut the doors. He approached her slowly and saw that there were no traces of
tears in her eyes.
‘What happened? Are you alright?’ he asked.
She just nodded and signalled him to leave.
‘Do you need help? Where will you spend the
night?’ he asked to help her.
‘I’m fine. Please leave’ she ordered to which he didn’t argue and left worried.
His mind was occupied with her story that replaced
his own set of worries. ‘Why did she walk out the cave-house in tears? Why is
she not crying after being abandoned from her people!’ he questioned.
In no time, he reached the cave-house and saw that everyone was still awake and
looked tired and dizzy. As he entered, the lady woke her son and got involved
in setting up the dinner. The sanyasin smiled gently and posed a regretful
face. He himself felt strange and guilty for unintentionally making them starve
so long. He walked up to the boy and said,
‘I’m
sorry, but I brought you something special.’ The boy forgot his sleep and smiled with twinkling
eyes.
He opened his bag and gave the boy some chocolates
and the boy was happy.
‘Won’t you thank me for this?’ he asked.
‘Why should I thank my bhayya? You came late and
this is your punishment’ the boy replied
leaving him pleasantly surprised.
He looked at the young sanyasin and something told him that she was not bad but
had committed the blunder of hypnotism leaving him puzzled. ‘May be she had a
reason. I should know’ he thought and smiled at her.
‘You’ve come with questions that need to be answered before you leave…’
‘How do you know about me? I’ve not said anything to you’
‘But your face has.’ She said composing her-self, ‘I have the answers you
need. Do you have enough time?’
‘Yes, I do’ he
asserted.
‘I don’t want to see the doubt in your eyes. Only when you believe, you’ll find
it and you’ll understand it’ she said and they headed for the dinner.
He looked at her again and got connected back to her. As they ate, he knew for
sure there was a lot to be revealed than he could think of. He had to just wait
with patience and all this was part of that big game. He nodded in acceptance
as he sipped a glass full of butter-milk and she acknowledged. At the end of
the night, two things swirled in his mind…
‘You’ve come to give’
‘Do you have enough time?’
‘Do I have so much in me that needs enough time to be given away!’ he
questioned as his eyes closed under the dark sky!
Continues…
Though
closed eyes sleep, a mind never sleeps no matter how hard one wants. He was
tired that day fighting with his thoughts which raged unending war throughout
and when he lay down, he committed to put a full stop at least for the day. But
thoughts weren’t to listen and continued to appear in the form of old memories.
He had not forgotten anything and ‘may be remembrance causes lots of sweet
memories which always come back to haunt, to say that life was better before
and you can never go back’ he thought!
‘Thought
in thoughts, caught in thoughts, who taught these thoughts to never cease to
taunt’…
Not
so long ago they had met and had become good friends for long time. They had
appreciated each other from the time their eyes met and had hundred thousand
things in common between them. She was strikingly beautiful for his eyes and
what other eyes saw was not completely the same! Their tastes matched, dislikes
were same and likes were common. Someone once said, unintentionally though,
‘you two are not two but one’!
Yet
only friendship had prevailed for a long time even though they thought they
were much beyond being just friends! What was ‘much beyond’ was not to be
discussed or elaborated on until one day when he dared to spill the beans in a
weird manner.
Words
can’t really express all emotions, emotions are to be felt not told or spoken
or enacted he thought and gave up on expressing anything by sheer speech or
letter. Letter sometimes conveys in a better manner coz its first thought and
then written. But what someone goes through reading each line, each word or a
phrase goes missing since much depends on what they conclude at the end of
reading it. So he took a third route which made it non-verbal, yet interactive
– an online messenger!
Hi…
Hey…
Wassup
gal?
Nothing
man, feeling sleepy… no work today! Wassup with you?
Wanted
to tell you something!
(Oh!
Finally, the 3 golden words! But he can’t be so straight!) What’s that? Shoot…
I
think I would be a wanderer without you and with you, I would be complete! What
do you think?
Hmm,
I think you’re right but you could be wrong too!
The
answer is with you…
Are
you sure you’re not flirting?
A big
NO!
And
you want my answer here?
Or we
can meet outside to see what we feel!
You
would know without my answer?
Yes,
and you would know too the rest of what I feel but couldn’t say here!
And
they felt it, something different from their previous meets. The friendship
turned into a new relation that was much different and they meant world to each
other from the very next moment. For over 3 years they dated and had very few
arguments or fights. It was almost perfect, but only almost!
Thoughts
from the past slowly dissolved like salt in water and his mind had accompanied
his eyes in the sleep. Relaxed, the mind felt as it did less while asleep…
Continues…
The
sun slowly emerged next morning somewhere behind a few buildings and had spread
the charisma to the whole town! Piercing bright light got him woken up while
the dew on grass where he slept felt cooler. It felt like an autumn with
vibrant colours around him and he had fallen in love all over again coming back
from last night’s memories!
As he
got up and sat and looked around enjoying the morning mist, his senses dragged
him towards the cave. There was something in there, someone talking, some
fragrance, some power and something’s really happening…
He
slowly crawled in and was able to overhear the chants once again. He tried to
peep in but could hardly see anything from the corner where he sat hiding
himself from being seen by the insiders. He concentrated hard to listen as he
knew it wasn’t just the sanyasin inside.
It was
the same chant that she had used to hypnotize him. He heard her repeat several
times and after a brief pause, thus she spoke…
‘Are
you fine?’
‘No’ said a female voice.
‘Does
it pain?’
‘Yes’
‘Do
you love him?’
‘Yes’
‘Does
he love you?’
It
took some time before she nodded with an acceptance. The sanyasin felt
satisfied with the results as the answer was always a ‘no’ for this question
for a long time. She continued with her interrogation.
‘Did
they beat you?’
‘No’ said the woman.
It
made him realize that this was the same woman who was thrown out last night by
her own people and he laughed at her foolishness for hiding the truth and lying
to the sanyasin that she was not beaten up! He felt like intervening but kept quiet
to see where it would end up.
‘Is
she still there with him?’
‘Yes’
‘Has
she come in between the two of you?’
‘Yes,
yes, I need help, I need help’ the woman pleaded.
‘Does
it pain?’ asked
the sanyasin again.
‘Yes’ was the answer once again and there
were no more questions.
The
woman was made to drink some kind of liquid that flowed down through the cave
while keeping her remained in her trance. The sanyasin noticed her carefully
and made sure the liquid flowed down completely and began another round with
new chants…
‘tathya
anrutaasya
chala
pratya
kathaa
yaa’
As
earlier, she reiterated many times and took the woman to the next level of
unconsciousness. He waited patiently through all this and looked up from the
same corner making sure he was not being watched or noticed by them. After many
minutes of chanting and observation, the sanyasin again spoke.
‘He
only loves you, he only wants you. Don’t worry, don’t leave him. She is not his
wife, you are. She will leave him, you stay on. They haven’t beaten you, it
doesn’t pain, and it certainly doesn’t.’
She
let everything sink in the woman and in some time slowly rubbed on the woman’s
forehead and her eyes and brought her back into consciousness. She asked her to
leave and he crawled out of the cave.
As
the woman walked out, he noticed her eyes were wet not because she cried but
because of some liquid that was applied. She smiled at him and walked out of
the compounds. The sanyasin followed in a while and saw his curiosity.
‘So
you saw it?’
‘It’s
not right, what you’re doing isn’t just right! I saw her being beaten so badly
and thrown out of the house and you’re misleading her by sending back to the
hell once again. What if it becomes fatal? Who’s responsible?’
‘It
won’t be and you’ll see that’
‘Just
by hypnotizing her do you think you’ll solve her problem?’
‘I
won’t answer you, yet. You need to realize it, I can’t tell you unless you feel
it yourself or through others’ she showed her genuine gesture and walked away
cutting the conversation.
Yes,
he didn’t understand what went on and looked puzzled all over again. But this
time he demanded an answer and went back to the sanyasin to find it…
Continues…
She
walked into the temple next to the cave inside the same compound and prayed to
the idol there as the boy entered. She offered some sacred sweets and water to
the boy and asked him to accompany her out just before the boy’s mother barged
in.
‘Don’t
you dare take my son there!’ she whispered noticing the man standing outside.
She took the boy along with her out of the temple and walked off rudely!
He
didn’t quite understand their differences as they stayed in the same place ate
together and talked at nights. In a short while the sanyasin also came out and
saw him waiting for her.
‘Can
you please tell me what’s happening here?’ he questioned.
‘It’s
a duty and he won’t like it if I discuss’
‘Who’s
he?’
‘Allah,
Shiva or Jesus, whatever you call him…’
‘Sorry,
I don’t believe in such gods!’ he said.
‘You
won’t believe him, but he believes you. He had told me you were coming, he had
told me you would be of help for me.’
‘I’ve
heard people say these kinds of things and there’s always a motto. I’m sorry to
be straight but what’s behind this? I trust you too if you tell me the truth’
‘He
sent me to you and I can’t hold back! I know you don’t believe him but I
believe you believe in yourself and so promise to yourself that you won’t take
this matter to the bad world of wrong people out there.’
‘No,
I won’t and I mean it’ he asserted.
She
walked him back into the cave and the waves generated inside with more
pressure. She seemed much happier than before and asked him to be seated on the
wet muddy floor. They closed eyes and took deep breaths and meditated once
again. The fragrance got dissolved in them and she said the verses once again…
tvam
kah aham kah vidasta
vettr
sah jaatr sah vayam nashta
Without
repeating it like before, thus she translated the true meaning…
‘Who
you are, who am I –we worn out one day!
Only
he knows, we don’t - we just decease’
tathya
anrutaasya
chala
pratya
kathaa
yaa
‘Truth
is unreal
Fiction
is real
That’s
the story’
Continues…
‘It’s
a duty bestowed upon me, my father did that and so did my ancestors. Like you,
I don’t belong to this place either and I’ve come from a far off place, would
eventually move on elsewhere but not before anyone who has come to ask me, have
been served!
You
see there’s no truth or myth with nature. Like you don’t believe in him and I
believe in him but he believes you! Just listen and ask nothing yet! What you
perceive is truth and your logical mind can’t see his existence or a proof and
so you don’t believe!
Would
you still not believe if the whole world had believed? You saw the woman beaten
up and you believed she was beaten badly. What if the rest of the world,
everyone you know or don’t know said otherwise? You would start believing that
she was not beaten, right?
You
see the boy here in our house and you believe that lady who’s a widow is his
mother. But do you know it’s not true? Do you know why the woman who was beaten
has to go back to that house? Do you know why a happy man like you separated
with an ideal partner and left everything to a deserted place like this? What
you’ve believed so far is not all true. I need to tell you more…
The
woman you see here got married only 4 years back, she doesn’t even look like a
mother of a 9 year old boy. Did you not notice that? You did, but ignored and
you believed it to be so. She lost her husband in an accident 3 years ago which
she too was part of but she escaped. She had lost interest in life, had become
suicidal and there was nothing left to convince her or bring her out of her
depression. No one would marry her again in this town and no reason for her to
find the lost happiness. That was the time when I had just arrived here and I
had a duty on hand.
You
saw the ritual, you know the verses, and they were all to tell them what truth
is. She lost her husband and that’s true, she doesn’t have a reason to live or
be happy is not true. Her elder sister who had 6 children was ready to
sacrifice anything to save a life and a truth was planted to save her. “You
have a son and you live for him” I said. It had to be told several times until
it was believed to be the ultimate truth. She started believing it and that’s
the only truth for her now that stays.
The
boy was very small but remembers his parents and siblings vaguely and is being
told by his friends that she’s not his real mother. I try to tell the boy but
she won’t let me talk to him. She doesn’t like me anymore. As my duty
approaches completion, I’ll come to the denial of their belief in me which they
had all through. You saw her talk rudely to me this morning and that’s the
reason. She no more believes in me and doesn’t realize that I had helped her,
instead feels I’ll trick her son.
You
felt agitated too when we were here in this cave the last time when I said
verses. The feeling of being intruded arises only when you’re not in need of
any help but not when you need it. It’s my duty nevertheless!
The
woman who was beaten last night was married to that powerful family purely
because her father was rich and more powerful. When he lost his power in
politics, she felt the heat. The sole purpose why she was brought to the family
didn't serve anymore and her husband replaced her like a torn shirt with
another woman in no time. Now you tell me, should I not ask her to believe that
there’s no other woman? Should she not fight for her rights in the same house?
If she has to, then she has to believe in her rights first and that’s my duty -
to make her believe she was not beaten, to believe she’s been loved and to
believe there’s no pain or marks on her beaten body.
All
these might sound ridiculous to you coming from the part of world that you do.
But he sent you to me for my help and this is the truth for you that you wanted
to know.
I’m
not a sanyasin but only an ordinary woman doing my duty…’
Continues…
He
was listening to every word and the meaning beneath carefully with closed eyes.
Noticing she had paused at that moment he slowly opened his eyes and saw her
childlike innocent face, a young body that spoke loads of ideology and
displayed unique powers that none possessed, yet modest, but a worry of being
exposed to the bad world or being exploited! He was coming to understand the
meaning beneath her eyes which he had noticed in their first encounter, a
smile on her face that would never die and also a sigh of worry!
He had several questions still open but saw her
genuineness, concern to the people’s problems. With more calmness than before,
he spoke -
‘Don’t
you think you’re denying them the truth they should know? You define truth the
way you see it or the way you want it to be!’
‘You
know that truth is bitter, it causes pain, and it even breaks relations. That
which keeps you happy is the ultimate truth and nothing else matters…’
‘…even
if it means making them live in an unreal world which is like causing
schizophrenia? You can’t do that, it’s is a sin.’
‘And
I bear the punishment too in the end, of being denied by their belief in me!’
‘Why
do you want to do that? Do you think it’s the only way you can help someone?’
‘It’s
descended from many generations and it’s a power to cure, it’s a duty to
perform. If the doctor stitches your wound with sharp needles piercing your
skin, causing pain and making you bleed just to cure your decease is it a sin?’
‘No
but it’s justified, it’s the way it is, it’s fair…’
‘…because
the world told you so, and my family was justified with its powers and
performed its duty because it’s fair too. What’s the fairest way you use to
save someone standing at the hilltop to commit suicide? Is there medicine for
people’s pretention?’
He
fell deep in more thoughts and many situations that he had seen or experienced
flashed at once. There weren’t answers for all such questions, he looked on
worried but her smile remained.
‘Yes,
ultimate truth is happiness. Truth is not what you know or what I know. Only he
knows and that’s the story!’ she almost concluded leaving him speechless at that
point.
His
thoughts continued to invade and he abruptly stopped them and questioned her,
‘So
then why did you say I’m here to help you? I don’t have such powers like you
do. How can I be of any help?’
‘I
don’t know. But my duty is to save the woman and get her, her rights!’
‘Why
don’t you call her husband and imbibe your truth?’ he almost mocked her.
‘I
can’t ask anyone to come to me and I can’t even deny the one who’s come by self
either’
‘Do
you want me to bring her husband to you?’
She
didn’t react and he understood what that meant. He had a duty on hand too,
along with the sanyasin – rather, an ordinary woman doing her duty!
He
smiled and she acknowledged.
Continues…
Why
did I have to get involved in this! He thought sitting on the rocks near the lake that
noon. Another day passed by in the strange town and he had already witnessed
lot of strange things in only few days. Everything the sanyasin had said didn’t
make complete sense to him but yet, he couldn’t know why!
She
had some strange powers and abilities to influence and control one’s thoughts,
which he couldn’t overlook. By being a part of this operation, he thought he
would satisfy his soul for solving someone’s problem. And that’s all
matters!
He
always had a helping hand even if it meant risking his own situation as he
considered himself fortunate to be better-off, but also felt sad considering
the amount of people that needed help against the ones who could actually help!
He thought of the woman’s pain for once forgetting his own problems which held
no importance of any such heights. She was beaten and thrown out badly but she
smiled. Whatever the sanyasin did, but eventually brought smile on the woman’s
face. And that’s all matters, he again thought and ventured out with
will and dare!
The
house looked bright that afternoon standing tall like the ones shown on TV
commercials advertising some x-y-zee paints! Huge metallic gates closed always
and though there seemed to be some security guard-house, there was no security
guard in reality. He dared open the gates looking around him through all
corners and walked the long way between the lawns on to the doors. Most of the
houses he saw in the town had half closed doors and he had failed to understand
the reasoning, but bent to peep inside. He wore his best dresses from the bag
and deliberately made an effort to look striking and dashing that best upheld
his attitude!
The
only face in the house which was familiar to him was that of the woman who hid
herself on seeing him and didn’t reappear. She looked bothered by his presence
and wondered if he had really intervened. She signalled her husband to attend
the visitor.
Her
husband was a tall and ugly man who seemed to piss off anyone in a moment
merely by his presence. With an air of arrogance he looked at the visitor and
rested on an easy-chair made out of bamboo. He neither offered the visitor to
sit down nor showed any interest but posed a question mark on his face
demanding the purpose of his coming.
‘Hello,
I’m new to this place and I was on lookout for an accommodation’ the wanderer initiated a
conversation knowing nothing else to begin with.
‘We
do not run a hotel here and people don’t dare walk into this house the way you
just have’ said
the arrogant beast!
‘I’m
sorry for that but I know no one here and was trying to discover your town. If
it’s an inconvenience I apologize.’
‘There’s
nothing to discover in this town and you look like a man from a much better
world. You have nothing here and you might as well buzz off’ declared the angry beast and showed
him the doors.
Standing
from a corner, the woman looked on. He saw ‘intense hopes’ in her eyes that he
hadn’t seen in anyone before…
Continues…
That’s
the way people in this strange town behaved and it came as no surprise to him
as he smiled at the angry man trying to compose himself to tell him what he was
there for. ‘No one in this world is really bad! If they are bad, they are being
bad to you not for the entire world. There would still be people praising a bad
guy who killed thousands of others. Why or how is it that a bad man can also be
good!’ he thought before coming here, ‘this man could be bad to me, bad to his
wife but might be good to the other woman or his brother or mother. Now my duty
is to find that goodness in him for me and the rest is for the sanyasin to take
care’
‘Yes,
you’re right,’ he said
with the same calmness not being affected by the man’s rudeness ‘I come from
a city working for a global business firm that provides upliftment to small
towns and your town is one of them. I know that you’re close to the local
minister and thought you might lend your helping hand to this good cause after
seeing this proposal’ he said waiting to see what the man’s intentions
were.
‘If
it can help me and my town and my name can be part of this, I might…’ said the angry man, hiding his
hesitation.
‘Me,
My Name’ so that’s his catchword.
‘Thank
you, sir. That’s your greatness. Let me show you this’ he intruded and quickly displayed on
his high-end gadget luring the sturdy man with some photos and charts and
eye-catchy animations which he had prepared much earlier, as planned. The
contents were overshadowed by the appearance. His management classes came in
handy!
The
man got deeply involved in the gadget and saw some unbelievable features in a
machine that he had never imagined. The gadget could talk, tell him his
location, and react to his commands to name a few which none in the small town
had any idea about. He further showed on his device some of the town’s places
that the man himself had not known.
‘These
are the places from 2nd century B.C. and are your town’s real
treasure. You need to protect them’ he flashed a morphed image on the tomb with the
man’s name being engraved on it. The man got all the more excited seeing his
name on a tomb and visualized how much he would be praised or rewarded and remembered
forever if that really transformed.
‘I
can help you by all means but I’m not the decision maker and you need the
consent of the minister.’
‘That’s
fine. If you can accompany me to few places and show me around before taking me
to the minister, rest assured it’s my responsibility to convince him. And my
company’s head will come over to finalize the deal with you and him’ he said, further diverging the man
into this trap.
‘Thank
you’ said
the man after his benefit was shown to him on a device in imaginary forms
without knowing that it all can be erased in no time. The wanderer made him
feel proud of being the chosen one in the entire town and his name and fame
will remain for centuries to come not just in the town but in the entire world.
‘We
do not have hotels nearby. Where would you like your accommodation to be?’ the man was much polite than himself!
‘It’s
alright. I’ve managed to find my nights’ stay here. Please see me at the cave
house tomorrow early morning. We’ll start from there’ he said to the man who had
transformed from being angry and arrogant to dreamy and happy.
‘He’s
not bad, but a good man to me now’ said the wanderer to him-self and walked off
hoping his deception won’t come to haunt him later. ‘Only the sanyasin can see
to it and what do I lose! I’m only a wanderer and it’s only a fair-game…’
Continues…
‘Was it a good idea to intrude’, he
kept asking himself but had no convincing explanation for either yes or no.
With a heavy heart and a big guilt of lying so openly, he walked as quickly as
he can out of the compounds to the muddy roads and into the lake.
The
woman had seen him when he asked her husband to reach the cave house next
morning. Her worried eyebrows told him she was suspicious of the happenings but
that didn’t bother him as much as his guilt of having lied to someone. He kept
walking on the wetly-muddy side road along the lake with many such accompanied
thoughts. The hot Sun caused the lake to reflect more eye-pinching glares and
he hadn’t realized he was walking miles ahead of the town and to the other end
of the lake.
He
stood where the lake ended. The surroundings of the cave house looked smaller
and imaginary from the other end! This was the place he had seen sitting on the
rocks at the lake-shores during sunsets for past few days. Now he’s here
transformed into another mesmerizing natural habitat. There were trees and more
greenery, silence everywhere except for birds chirping, no traces of any form
of pollution and no humans either. He was naturally grabbed in…
As he
walked, several historical monuments stood broken. A big tomb that he had seen
earlier from the lake was what he was entering. His foot felt cold at the touch
of the floor after having walked under the hot Sun. There was breeze coming
from inside that almost challenged him to get inside the hall. It was nearly
200m long and 50m wide with many paintings hung on the side walls almost at
roof level that would constitute a 3-storey modern building. The paintings were
huge and carried stories written in ancient language with no translation
whatsoever. A red carpet, though seemingly old and nearly worn out lead him to
the other end of the hall where he saw the life-size picture of the great 13th
century reformer standing and calling!
He
walked for several minutes almost like a metal that’s attracted to the magnet
bit by bit, slowly, eventually! Looking eye in eye he felt the reformer come
alive. Such was the effect of the painter’s art and the man that the art
contained. He smiled gently and felt all the worries and questions, burdens and
sorrows evaporating at the effect of the power the reformer had caused. It was
a moment that was long lasting and the wanderer sunk in a feeling that he was
seeing someone he always wanted to, someone who’s the ultimate creator and
someone that others called God!
There
was no reaction and he was completely sucked in a world that had him
transformed. Did the cave have same effect or fell short, he didn’t question.
But it was a calling of lifetime and he slowly sat on a small mat under his
feet closing his eyes gently attaining a nirvana or sorts. For hours he was
immobile but time wouldn’t stop and the moon replaced bright skies.
It was
dark around the tomb and no one walked outside, no light was ever hung. There
were candles inside the hall and here n there outside. An old man and his
daughter dwelled at the outhouse serving food for whoever visited the tomb
hall. They were more than happy to receive the wanderer as not many people
frequented this alien place. He was fed generously and shown place to spend his
night.
At
the other end of the lake, the sanyasin, the boy and his mother waited for the
wanderer to return before they fell asleep. The next morning wasn’t very far
and it was time when the angry rude man from the bungalow set himself to see
the wanderer at the cave house, as the wanderer slept through his new found
world.
Continues…
There
was no light anywhere around his new found habitat and hence no way for him to
have gotten back. He felt uneasy about it but also got dissolved and mesmerized
to the extent that was lot more than what the sanyasin’s powers had done. It
was probably on that soil, something soothing, something magical and yet
incomprehensive to an ordinary mind.
With
all that in mind, he slowly closed his eyes wanting to sleep quickly and get
back to the cave-house by early morning. As he tried hard to sleep, so much
more it was running away from him. ‘Let me sleep’ he begged his thoughts to
stay away while they circled, invaded and mocked him. From irrelevant childhood
incidents to his college days, from the cave-house to the tomb-hall, from his
employment days to his relation with her, thoughts went wandering and dragged
into their deepest whirlwind reminding him of what had transpired. ‘I know,
leave me alone’ he screamed at them and turned to his left, next to right and
on his back but they ran away only to come back again and again ensuring he
didn’t sleep. He started to flow with them too…
‘But why don’t they like me? I’m educated, earn
well and can take care of you like no one would, not even them!’
‘I know, but I don’t know. Same like your parents, they just don’t want me to
be your wife. The only way out is to elope’
‘Nope, don’t say that’
‘Why not, we are adults and can take our own decisions!’
‘Yes, then there’s only one way out. We won’t marry anyone else, not even each
other.’
‘So, you mean what, live-in relation?’
‘They say marriages are made in heaven. So let’s get married when we get
there!’
All
she could do was smile and nod.
And
they had started to live together with no bounds or enforcements. They lived
happily like husband n wife, like love birds and like friends for a long time.
Anniversary was celebrated on their move-in date, reception party was thrown to
friends and those who mattered, none knew they were unmarried and had no marriage
certificate or vows. They hardly fought, everything was too perfect and what
lead to the void between them was naïve like in any other relationship.
Thoughts
took him until there and left him with himself. He was finally set free as the
brain started with its routine and laid him to sleep. It all took nearly whole
night to vanish and he got deep into his sleep while the Sun was getting set to
rise from behind, of which he had no clue.
It
was well past noon when he eventually opened his eyes and gained consciousness.
The old man had sent his daughter with a cup of tea which the wanderer couldn’t
refuse. He knew there was no point repenting and quickly got on to his feet to
get moving.
‘You can’t go out’, she stopped him.
‘It’s important, let me leave’ he pleaded.
‘It’s been raining since early morning. Didn’t you notice that?’ she asked him.
‘My mind was talking to me about the past, and hid me from the present’
Continues…
For
the next few days, it never stopped from pouring and the remote place had no
form of communication or commutation to even the other end of the lake leaving
the only 3 people stuck like it was an unknown island! Outside, where the trees
covered the whole campus like a fort was wet and muddy and got anyone sucked in
it. He made several attempts of venturing out but got deeply sucked by the
muddy lake shores and had to be pulled out by the old man and his daughter.
They warned him not to try anymore as it could be fatal but he had not given
up!
The
tomb-hall looked darker even during the day and all the constant resonance of
rain outside couldn’t make it in. Once again he was finding peace each time he
walked into the hall. None disturbed him inside… It was like some ancient
King’s durbar with elegant paintings and exquisite furnishing. In the darkness
of the hall, he found voices from the painted characters come alive, haunting
to say that they existed sometime in the history and they are all still around.
‘Talk to us, talk to our leader!’
The
main portrait that stood life-size long to the end was that of the leader,
reformer and the lord of their times said the old man once. There was charisma
and elegance in the picture. The wanderer wondered how the man himself would
have been if his picture could be so powerful. He never invaded countries, nor
won wars but had all hearts of his people with him. He was the one to be
trusted, one who was looked up to, who could solve any problem that only gods
would! He was worshipped.
The
wanderer tried to understand the stories that the paintings depicted from the
old man. He accompanied him through the garden and other monuments under an
umbrella telling him stories that were real or mythological. It was some kind
of a heavenly place the wanderer started to believe to which the old man said,
‘Yes may be it is, you see there’s no human here
anymore… as he creeps in, heaven gets replaced’
The
wanderer just smiled at the old man's words of wisdom.
There
were variety of fruits and vegetables that flourished everywhere around the
tomb-hall needing no nourishment or cultivation of any sorts. Without
accessibility to the outside world, the old man and his daughter and now the
wanderer could have survived for months or years.
‘I need to get her married soon and then I can rest
in peace’ he
said.
‘Are you not in peace now?’ questioned the wanderer loud enough
to reach the oldie's deafened ears.
‘Which father can be when his daughter is at home
in her youth?’
‘Is her marriage the only route to your
peacefulness? Is it the ultimate goal of your life? What if she’s not happy
later? Would you still be peaceful just because you got her married?’ he asked enraged.
‘Whatever happens after that is her fate, son.
That’s beyond my control. As a father my duty ends there. Now I don't have any
whereabouts of my other daughters, all the 6 of them!’ said the old man and walked off.
But
he continued thinking sitting at the veranda watching the droplets from far
above the skies how much misunderstanding a man has about his own life even
after spending so many years… inside the body, the soul was just not ripe only
the body was!
Something
crossed his thoughts and he realized it wasn't just the 3 of them there...
Continues…
A
young man was falling down badly climbing the wet tall wall and it was apparent
that he tried to cross over the wall to leave the premises. The wanderer walked
on to stop the trembling young man and noticed he was nervous and scared. There
was no way someone might think he was a thief by his appearance and the
wanderer couldn't but help him on to his feet. Before he questioned anything
the young man cried,
'Please
let me go. Please, I beg you!'
'Yes,
I will. But who are you and what are you doing here?'
'The
old man inside will beat me if he sees me. Please let me go.' he begged unconditionally.
'Why?
What have you done?' the
wanderer questioned while guessing the answer.
There
was no reply and at the back-door, he noticed the old man's daughter standing
and weeping. His guess was right. He wanted to help them as he noticed that the
boy belonged to another religion. He felt sad for them and offered sympathy,
but nothing beyond. He let the young man go after getting his whereabouts. The
young man was thankful and pleaded the wanderer,
'You
seem to be a wise man from a big city. Please help us! The old man might listen
to you. Please' and
he left running in the rain.
The
old man's daughter too bowed to him needing help but said nothing and closed
the back door, pushing the wanderer back into his ocean of thoughts.
'Wise
man, big city', the young man's words echoed in his mind and the wanderer
laughed at his big city, at the wisdom of his wise people who surrounded him.
It was just obvious that his memory flashed pictures from the past that
narrated the same story. The girl he was seeing, her religion that was
different, their families' deception, their eloping and so on. The big city
didn't really care but the wise men around them questioned and didn't leave
them at peace. There were many questions asked every day, eyebrows raised at
them...
'So,
where are your wedding pics?'
'How
come you never called us for your wedding?'
'Where
did you go for your honeymoon?'
'Do
your in-laws visit you? Oh, you don't stay with them!'
Even
in memories they haunted. He felt sick and for once wanted to stop recollecting
everything. But the story that night was not hard to be trashed. It was in
front of him, asking for help. His heart was in it, wasn't easy to say no!
Continues…
He found himself once again in a helpless situation and cursed the blind
man. ‘Who would look after you once your daughter gets married? What would
you do alone?’ the wanderer had asked while the blind soul had not said a
thing. Does he want to keep her with him forever he wondered and felt sad for
the girl, particularly so looking at her love story that was sinking! He
laughed carelessly and waited to see a clear sky next morning.
A
bright Sun shined on him and the clouds had finally died into the lake. Behind
the tomb-hall, the lake flooded heavily as the wanderer bid his good-bye to the
blind man. ‘Please find someone for my daughter’ he reminded and the
wanderer nodded at her. I’ll be back he meant.
Only
two buildings seemed visible from the tomb-hall as he walked his way back
towards the town - the cave-house, which he desperately wanted to get back to
and the rich man’s villa that now looked all the more haunting. I have
tricked a powerful man. Did he visit the sanyasin next day? Or did the rains
stop anything from happening? What do I have there when I get back? He
posed innumerable questions, speculated, imagined and dreamt of what might have
transpired in his absence during the past week or so. He had lost his touch
with the calendar unable to recharge the dying batteries of his gadgets. The
blind man had mentioned some lunar day that sounded worthless to him. ‘What
a world!’ he exclaimed and paused outside the entrance of the cave-house.
As he
composed himself, the small boy ran into him and asked many questions, searched
his bag and got hooked on to a device that looked amazing. He saw the boy’s
eyes brighten instantly. ‘It can talk to you and even obey your orders’,
he said. ‘No, it’s a mini computer. Don’t try to fool me. I’ll get it
recharged’, argued the boy and left him. The wanderer felt pleasured at the
little boy’s knowledge and thanked the crooked parents of the rich man at the
villa for not sending him to any school. He walked his way in.
His
eyes looked for one woman whom he wanted to meet badly. He crawled inside the
cave realizing she couldn’t be seen outside anywhere. The chilling wind once
again felt familiar, dragging and calling. He was dissolved in its fragrance
and the hymns of the sanyasin got him easily captivated and hypnotized.
She
was deep into her meditation. None could ever disturb her and he didn’t try
either. He waited patiently as she resisted further for some more time. She
finally opened her bright eyes. For once, they reminded him of the early
morning.
Like
those dark clouds that felt proud and thought of having won the battle with him
before he emerged from behind, eating them all and that he would arrive one
day. All the illusion they had will be descending on his arrival. The eyes had
opened and the Sun had smiled. Smiles that were contagious enough to get the wanderer
bonded.
She
walked out and he followed her like a disciple. She sat on one of the muddy
steps and he went on to explain.
‘I’m
really sorry. I went to the tomb-hall behind the lake. And I was stuck with
this unending rain.’
‘Everything
has a reason, and I’m glad you were there’, she comforted him.
‘I
thought you might be sad, even angry at my sudden absence. Did you not think I
had gone forever?’ he
questioned.
‘No,
you’re far from leaving’, she was most certain.
‘So
you exactly know when I’m going to leave this place. Don’t you?’
She
smiled and said, ‘It’s your decision. Not mine’
‘But
you seem to know’
‘You
won’t be happy to know. There’s something else that I have for you. I thought
you would be keen, but you seem to conceal. Don’t you have many other questions
to ask? Why do you deviate?’ she spoke his mind and left him speechless.
‘You
ask my questions and even answer them’ he said softly.
The
lady looked still, unaffected, calm, and peaceful. Is this an enlightenment,
wondered the wanderer!
Continues…
‘I’m guilty, I must confess. Tricking that rich powerful man was
probably not right…’ he pleaded.
‘You
don’t need to think of him anymore. He must be happy with his wife and they
would live peacefully’ she concluded.
‘Was
he here the next day? And you performed the ritual on the man too, didn’t you?’
he appeared to be asking her.
He waited long enough for her to say something. She
said nothing, nor smiled. She let him believe what had happened without saying
a word.
‘You’re a genius, a magician, a healer. You can do just about anything, create
wonders. Can you solve any problem and every problem? No one would have any
sufferings in this world! It’s unbelievable. Is it true?’ he did not
seem to stop wondering the power of her abilities. It was no mean problem, and
yet was resolved.
Without an air or inch of pride she
spoke,
‘I
told you earlier and I’ll tell you one more time. Truth is about finding one’s
happiness that one has lost. Everyone’s born without knowing anything about any
problem of the world. Everyone’s happy until one gets involved in the magic
called life. And the happiness is lost somewhere, very early in to this magic.
The ultimate Truth is that happiness they’ve lost, and that needs to be
restored. You think it’s not possible, you think it’s unbelievable and you call
it a miracle. But I don’t. What matters is they both are happy now.’
He thought for a while. Yes, she had her justification
and reasons which she had demonstrated earlier too, in her own way. His
thoughts wandered back to the tomb-hall, the blind man, his unwed daughter and
her sinking life. Without hesitation, he asked the sanyasin,
‘There’s another girl and a boy who are awaiting their share of happiness. Can
you help?’ he
asked knowing she wouldn’t refuse. He said further, expressing his genuine
concern for the sanyasin,
‘It’s not easy. I have no doubts on your abilities.
But I'm only worried about the consequences, which may not do any good to you
or this town. Worse, if it turns fatal!’
He said turning away, looking at the tomb-hall, and seeing through those deep
curvy paths into the market area which covered half of the town.
Inter-religious marriages were not acceptable in that small town. It was a
taboo! They raised eyebrows even in those big cities, one of which the wanderer
himself belonged. He knew all of that and was aware of the aggression among the
town's people from his own experience in the short time of his stay. It was a
bad idea to get involved in matters such as these that were sensitive to the
masses. Yet, his heart was in it somehow. His own life ran parallel to those
young lovers' who raised many unanswered questions in him and he wondered if he
felt more sympathized with them or for his own helplessness.
His
worried eyes met hers. That strange mixture of a deep worry and happiness which
he had seen in their first encounter no more dwelled her eyes ever since she
shared her story with him. The worry had escaped and only a content smile
remained, which he took note of.
She
nodded with acceptance. It was her duty and her only duty – to help all those
who had come to ask. She didn’t pick and choose. There was no choice, just a
sincere service - and that too was a truth.
Continues…
They
got further involved in their own world of thoughts and said nothing to each
other for long time, yet sat at the same place facing one another. It was a
special day on the local calendar, an auspicious occasion to the people of the
town. One by one, people were coming into the cave-house temple with flowers
and other stuffs to offer their prayers to the god that was placed at the
temple before the entrance to the cave which the wanderer had completely
ignored and was least interested even on his first visit.
He
was watching them come over to the idol, decorate it with colourful stuffs and
pray out loud. He looked seriously before falling into a big laughter. The
sanyasin looked on and without being upset at his behaviour,
‘You
think these people are foolish to perform their offerings and prayers to the
god?’ she
asked calmly, hiding her annoyance.
‘And
you tell me they had to come all the way from wherever they were, whatever they
were doing to decorate a stone which is an idol which is a god and say loud
prayers? How is it that the idol or god would listen and how does he send his
answers back? You seem intelligent, highly intellectual. Why don’t you tell
them their gods lie within and they need to clean and decorate their souls,
their own selves, not something external?’
‘Let
me ask you this. I know you don’t believe in god, nor prayers or worships. Why
did you choose to come here and stay in this temple of all the places in this
town?’ she
asked and without waiting for his reply which she also knew she went on, ‘You
knew you’ll find your answers here. Where did that belief come from? Who told
you so? You call that your intuition or your self-guided power. You don’t want
to call it ‘a call from the god’ because you’re intelligent. They call it a god
because they are foolish and I don’t see any difference between the two. Both
are here at the same place for same purpose.’
‘Well,
that’s not true. I am here because this place looks beautiful from all sides
and I love natural habitats around this place. It instils some energy in me. I
liked it instantly. There were other places I had tried after starting my
journey and before eventually coming down to this place. What got me hooked on
was more to do with you than the idol’ he said without inhibitions,
‘Don’t
take me wrong, but the conversations I had with you made me stay on, not the
place itself. And I know some magic lies in the cave, inside there. Not in this
idol or the perceived god.’
‘Yes,
you’re right. You’ve answered your own question. They don’t find the presence
of that magic in the cave and you don’t find it in the idol. I see it in both
places. Like the air is everywhere but not the breeze, the aroma is around but
each enjoys different fragrance. You know that too. Then why mock their belief
in the magic?’
He
had such arguments earlier with friends and colleagues, even with his own folks
and had more or less left winning in the end. He simply didn’t find it useful
to win over the sanyasin on this. ‘We could continue on this, but some other
time’ he changed the topic as more people got into the temple and more
prayers were being offered loud enough for them to hardly listen to each other.
By
winning an argument you might feel better or proud of proving your point but at
the same time you might end up hurting your opponent who loses it and it’s not
a good feeling if he or she is too sensitive, which most people are. You’ll win
an argument and lose a friend or spoil a relationship. He knew that very well
out of his own and others’ experiences and when any debate got to a level where
it got personal, he had the knack of averting the subject towards a lighter one
and thereby no one would lose or win an argument at the cost of a more
important ‘relationship’. The sanyasin wasn’t really that sensitive to feel
hurt by a mere argument while he took note of her point which was more sensible
than those he had heard before.
Yes,
the air is there and the magic is found around us but we see and perceive
differently because each of us find it at different places, in different ways.
If the rich man had seen through the gadget and doubted the wanderer, he
wouldn’t have succeeded in solving the man’s problems. The master of the
universe who the wanderer believed existed but refrained from calling him a god
has different plans laid out for different people. He’ll make his presence felt
in various forms that can be felt by some but not by others. He had to accept
different religions, different customs and enormously different creatures he
himself created and it was a loop. He created them and they created him in
their own ways. But were they right? It couldn’t be proved.
He
looked at the sanyasin who was sitting there getting involved in the prayers
and offerings that the people were making to their god. She was deeply
connected as he noticed and couldn’t be disturbed easily, while he felt no
connection, no existence of any god anywhere around the idol, not in the
prayers, not in the songs nor in their offerings.
He
went inside the cave and felt the strong chilling wind generating like always.
He closed his eyes gently and felt relaxed, relieved and connected to the
master of universe who he refrained from calling god!
Continues…
Next
morning the wanderer set himself on the route to meet the young man’s mother.
He had not walked towards the interiors of the town until then. It never
impressed him. But now he had a job in hand, to meet the young man’s mother and
tell her that it’s not a sin to marry into another religion. The wanderer hoped
he would convince her and there be no need for the sanyasin to interfere in
this matter.
A
small, nearly broken unclean house led him to the old woman. It looked dark
from outside even on a hot sunny day. The door had no possible lock, nor could
it be knocked at. The wanderer noticed her sitting in a corner, weeping. He
called out for the young man, but the woman was deeply into herself for long
before she got onto her feet. Without asking the wanderer who he was, she tried
to close the door. He spoke softly and pleaded to get in. For a long time the
woman ignored the wanderer who was seated on the same floor. Looking around the
ceilings and the walls he noticed a photo frame hung with a garland on it. He
must be her husband, the wanderer thought.
‘You
people come to console but I have to suffer the pain nevertheless. Why don’t
you leave us alone?’ the
woman asked, enraged. The wanderer couldn’t make sense of her words for long
before he understood why she wept.
It
wasn't easy for the wanderer to be telling a stranger, a woman who's just lost
her husband that she might as well lose her son. He heard her say whatever
comforted her and silence prevailed for long. He knew it would eventually work
in his favour. The old woman had already started looking in his eye with some
hope and the anxiety had started to seem like belief.
'Your
son wants to marry a girl from the tomb hall. She's the caretaker's youngest
and most beautiful daughter. She cooks well and is caring.'
'You
don't know anything', the
woman spoke 'these people are cruel. They don't hesitate to kill anyone who
goes against their staunch beliefs. Neither I nor my son will be spared. Let
the caring girl care for her own life. I can sacrifice my life for my son but I
can't see his life sacrificed' she said and turned away.
The
wanderer doubted his own convincing abilities and chose to remain silent rather
than aggravating the problem. He waited for her son to return until the
evening, while the old woman gave him some stale food from last night. Before
leaving he heard himself say to the woman, 'If you may please, do visit the
cave temple early in the morning for all your worries would be dissolved.'
The
woman had not nodded, but he knew the outcome. Almost!
Continues...
WANDERERS – XXIV
The
wanderer walked back that evening on the interiors of the town crossing jungles
that stood connected to the entrance of the cave-temple. The little boy had
once mentioned, ‘there are unknown number of caves in this town and each is
connected to the other. But don’t ever venture alone. We once did, I along with
3 other boys. Only 3 of us returned’
In
the midst of the jungle he saw an opening that seemed like a crawl into the
cave. As he went close, he saw the trailing end of a snake that was creeping
in. For a second, the snake hissed back long enough and opened its full hood.
It might have almost tangled the wanderer if there wasn’t that inch of a
distance between them. He held on and ran into the fastest exist he could
locate out of the jungle while the reptile had slithered.
It
didn’t take him long from there to reach the cave-temple. He sprinkled some
water on himself at the entrance and climbed on the roof. The evening Sun was
setting against an image that stood on the rock leaning on crossed trees. He
smiled and walked towards her.
She
looked at him and timidly sat down on the rock. It was the first time he saw
her look shy. He sat down on one of the rocks beside hers.
‘Such
a beautiful evening after a disappointing day’, he announced. She nodded as if she
knew why his day wasn’t encouraging.
The
Sun was falling slowly, yet quickly and left the whole sky ahead of them in
crimson red. Their faces reflected bright red like they were painted, and they
enjoyed looking at each other. For a while they exchanged glances and said
nothing.
‘You
may expect the young man’s mother tomorrow’ he broke the silence.
She
looked indifferent.
‘Do
you think you can solve this?’ he probed. ‘What is the most difficult situation
you’ve had to handle?’ he continued among many other questions.
‘Let’s
not worry about that. Let’s talk about you’ said the sanyasin after a long pause.
‘You
don’t say anything about you, but you want to know everything about me’
‘Shouldn’t
you be happy about that? Is it not what one wants? To be listened to? How often
do people listen to anyone’s feelings or emotions? Everyone wants to talk about
himself, unless you pay for it like in your city for a doctor, lawyer or a
psychiatrist. Who would care to listen?’
‘Do
you know, this is the longest set of questions I’ve heard from you so far?’
‘I’m
listening…’
‘You
know about me. I come from a city, far from here, nothing like this place,
people who’re aliens yet all the same. We are modern, you’re traditional. We’re
broad-minded, you’re not. There are many such extremes, yet I’ve come to
realize they’re all just the same. They seem different but aren’t so.
Anyways,
like I said, I come from a society of so called sophisticated people and I’ve
always lived an ambitious life, dreamt of achieving great heights and succeeded
to a large extent, more than one could feel proud of. But I was this split
person. One half wanted to have everything, while the other half wanted to give
away everything. I wanted to help the needy, the real ones. I wanted no sorrows
to exist. I left everything I had for this journey that I took on months ago, 2
and a half years precisely. And I’m wandering ever since.’ he finished.
‘I
know every bit of this about you having seen so much of you in the last few
weeks. You said nothing I didn’t already know of you’
‘What
else can I say? There are no secrets…’ he looked at her, ‘…unfortunately.’
She
saw him and their eyes met like never before. There were no inhibitions,
nothing to hide or pretend. They were two strangers who knew each other and
trusted each other with a strong unknown belief. They might walk their own ways
very next day. And their being together was most uncertain like they were
destined to meet for only a cause that wasn’t for either’s benefit. They
exchanged few more glances and were looking at the sky that had lost all its
blood. Day had died and night was being born.
‘Yes,
I was in a relationship with a woman I loved the most. We were happy, and we
lived for years together without apprehension or compulsion. All we gave each
other was love. There was respect, trust, compatibility, everything that’s much
beyond any relationship would ever need to be alive and flourish. It was too
perfect, and…’
She
looked without questioning. And that meant he should go on, and so he did.
‘There’s
a saying. A man always walks away from what he has for something he doesn’t.
And we walked our own ways deliberately, with forced reasoning. We created
unwanted checklist and justified it, convinced each other that we should
separate not knowing for how long. I don’t know if I’ll meet her tomorrow or
might never meet her again. We shall get back to each other only when we can’t
be alive anymore. When we can live on our own, why should we live together? You
may find it ridiculous, but that’s how it is.’
‘No,
I’m listening. I know what you mean’
‘When
we both feel the need of becoming one again, we shall and we will, but not for
a reason. Relationships are selfish. Each needs the other or just one needs the
other. We too had needs, and we loved each other like any other couple. We had
each other’s presence that had become absolute necessity. But it can’t be so,
it shouldn’t be. When we find a selfless way, we shall find each other. We
won’t even make an attempt. It would happen or it won’t.’ He finished though he was still
composing his words to explain. But when he looked at her, it didn’t seem
necessary.
It
had become completely dark around and the lake had turned mute unlike its
rushing waves that provided some background cinematic chords while he was
speaking. Some nocturnal creatures pierced their ears as silence prevailed
between them.
‘Desires
and needs always exist. They make us selfish’ she said slowly almost to herself.
‘Would
a woman your age not have desires?’ he paused. It was a generic question but she knew
it wasn't meant to be and it was for her.
‘Yes,
but before I would desire for anything…’ she quickly stood up and suggested they should get
back for dinner. He got involved in his own thoughts and never found it right
to ask her any further or make her uncomfortable. They walked back on the dark
trail.
Next
morning the old woman stood at the cave knowing nothing about her fate that was
waiting to change or the sanyasin who sat meditating deep inside.
Continues…
