Who Are We!?

Are we what our friends like or our foes hate or our critics shred or just what we believe!? We could be a bit n piece of everything of it and even more, each one of us. One man could be seen by 100 eyes in 1000 different ways and also within, man feels the hate n love for himself both at different times. Our state of being happy and sad is the proof of such feelings that we possess! Nobody is always happy and nobody is always sad, so no one is in complete love or hatred for oneself. And why does that happen?

Is it because we really don’t know who we are! Then who should answer this question? If I tell my boss that I’m a very good employee, he may not believe it and demand for a survey on what people feel about me. I went on to ask after conducting a class for 10days to the same set of participants (about 27 of them) out of which 8 went on to fill additional comments. While one wrote ‘it is hoped that the trainer could be more cheerful’ the other contradicted this by saying ‘sense of humor shown by trainer was a factor that attracted us’. While one said ‘More interactions with students would be great’ two others said ‘nothing he needs to improve because he is awesome!!’ and ‘he is a perfect trainer.’ So this still didn’t answer who I really am.

Is it right to ask others about who we are? May be yes, coz we live in a society where others live too. May be no, coz what one thinks of oneself matters more than what others decide. Like we keep blaming our politicians for the ruin they’ve done to our countries but, after all the hard work and spending so much money, if we had gotten to their seats we would've certainly done things to benefit us with the kind of power that we got. So what matters is the trust, out of which respect grows. No matter what the opposition says, no matter how unhappy people are with the ruling party, no matter how much of a change they desire, they still keep voting for the ruling government in Singapore. That’s only because of the trust a man has created by developing a model over so many years, which is hard to break. And no matter how much of manipulations he or his team has done, as long as the trust is kept, over a period of time respect is born. And the man is liked by all. Who he is and what he does are trusted, respected.

Trust and respect go hand in hand. If I trust myself, I like myself and if I start doubting on my abilities, that’s when contradiction starts within. Likewise, if I respect you, everything is fine. If I don’t, the relation stinks.

So who we are might not be an easy question to answer and may never lead to answer in a lifetime, but trust and respect for oneself and for others define a whole lot of things in the scheme called life. So as long as I trust and respect myself, my friends, my family and my world around me I’ve pretty much answered who I am.

Have I? 

WANDERERS – XVIII

For the next few days, it never stopped from pouring and the remote place had no form of communication or commutation to even the other end of the lake leaving the only 3 people stuck like it was an unknown island! Outside, where the trees covered the whole campus like a fort was wet and muddy and got anyone sucked in it. He made several attempts of venturing out but got deeply sucked by the muddy lake shores and had to be pulled out by the old man and his daughter. They warned him not to try anymore as it could be fatal but he had not given up!

The tomb-hall looked darker even during the day and all the constant resonance of rain outside couldn’t make it in. Once again he was finding peace each time he walked into the hall. None disturbed him inside… It was like some ancient King’s durbar with elegant paintings and exquisite furnishing. In the darkness of the hall, he found voices from the painted characters come alive, haunting to say that they existed sometime in the history and they are all still around.

‘Talk to us, talk to our leader!’

The main portrait that stood life-size long to the end was that of the leader, reformer and the lord of their times said the old man once. There was charisma and elegance in the picture. The wanderer wondered how the man himself would have been if his picture could be so powerful. He never invaded countries, nor won wars but had all hearts of his people with him. He was the one to be trusted, one who was looked up to, who could solve any problem that only gods would! He was worshipped.

The wanderer tried to understand the stories that the paintings depicted from the old man. He accompanied him through the garden and other monuments under an umbrella telling him stories that were real or mythological. It was some kind of a heavenly place the wanderer started to believe to which the old man said,

‘Yes may be it is, you see there’s no human here anymore… as he creeps in, heaven gets replaced’

The wanderer just smiled at the old man's words of wisdom. 

There were variety of fruits and vegetables that flourished everywhere around the tomb-hall needing no nourishment or cultivation of any sorts. Without accessibility to the outside world, the old man and his daughter and now the wanderer could have survived for months or years.

‘I need to get her married soon and then I can rest in peace’ he said.

‘Are you not in peace now?’ questioned the wanderer, loud enough to reach the oldie's deafened ears.

‘Which father can be when his daughter is at home in her youth?’

‘Is her marriage the only route to your peacefulness? Is it the ultimate goal of your life? What if she’s not happy later? Would you still be peaceful just because you got her married?’ he asked enraged.

‘Whatever happens after that is her fate, son. That’s beyond my control. As a father my duty ends there. Now I don't have any whereabouts of my other daughters, all the 6 of them!’ said the old man and walked off.

But he continued thinking sitting at the veranda watching the droplets from far above the skies how much misunderstanding a man has about his own life even after spending so many years… inside the body, the soul was just not ripe only the body was! 


Something crossed his thoughts and he realized it wasn't just the 3 of them there...

Continues…

WANDERERS – XVII

There was no light anywhere around his new found habitat and hence no way for him to have gotten back. He felt uneasy about it but also got dissolved and mesmerized to the extent that was lot more than what the sanyasin’s powers had done. It was probably on that soil, something soothing, something magical and yet incomprehensive to an ordinary mind.

With all that in mind, he slowly closed his eyes wanting to sleep quickly and get back to the cave-house by early morning. As he tried hard to sleep, so much more it was running away from him. ‘Let me sleep’ he begged his thoughts to stay away while they circled, invaded and mocked him. From irrelevant childhood incidents to his college days, from the cave-house to the tomb-hall, from his employment days to his relation with her, thoughts went wandering and dragged into their deepest whirlwind reminding him of what had transpired. ‘I know, leave me alone’ he screamed at them and turned to his left, next to right and on his back but they ran away only to come back again and again ensuring he didn’t sleep. He started to flow with them too…

‘But why don’t they like me? I’m educated, earn well and can take care of you like no one would, not even them!’

‘I know, but I don’t know. Same like your parents, they just don’t want me to be your wife. The only way out is to elope’

‘Nope, don’t say that’

‘Why not, we are adults and can take our own decisions!’

‘Yes, then there’s only one way out. We won’t marry anyone else, not even each other.’

‘So, you mean what, live-in relation?’

‘They say marriages are made in heaven. So let’s get married when we get there!’

All she could do was smile and nod.

And they had started to live together with no bounds or enforcements. They lived happily like husband n wife, like love birds and like friends for a long time. Anniversary was celebrated on their move-in date, recpetion party was thrown to friends and those who mattered, none knew they were unmarried and had no marriage certificate or vows. They hardly fought, everything was too perfect and what lead to the void between them was naïve like in any other relationship.  

Thoughts took him until there and left him with himself. He was finally set free as the brain started with its routine and laid him to sleep. It all took nearly whole night to vanish and he got deep into his sleep while the Sun was getting set to rise from behind, of which he had no clue.

It was well past noon when he eventually opened his eyes and gained consciousness. The old man had sent his daughter with a cup of tea which the wanderer couldn’t refuse. He knew there was no point repenting and quickly got on to his feet to get moving.

‘You can’t go out’, she stopped him.

‘It’s important, let me leave’ he pleaded.

‘It’s been raining since early morning. Didn’t you notice that?’ she asked him.

‘My mind was talking to me about the past, and hid me from the present’

Continues…

A Life...After!

It wasn't unattainable, but had become impossible; having tried n almost given up, he opened an unambitious pair of mysterious eyes that once glowed like incandescent and got up on tired legs that had won marathons! Whatever caused this degree of self disbelief, a sense of ending it all was way too strong to be given up and he was sure about one thing - it's not uncertain, it's gonna be!

There were no intentions of smiling or meeting up with any friends he ever had. 'They are just busy with their own lives even if they weren't really happy' he thought. 'I owe nothing to anyone and I'm free, I'm my master and there's no one above me, I can't be failing anymore' he reiterated. There had been enough miseries ever since he was born and all those troubled people he ever met were not really in any kind of trouble as compared to his own and the worse - they all believed they were destined and born to suffer. He differed and believed strongly that he couldn't be anyone's pawn or puppet, no god or fortune had any right to play his cards. 'It has to be me who shall decide, not a fate!'

He walked with content and climbed all the 24 stories with no heartbeat crossing normalcy, he seemed healthy and hassle free, whatever he was in life, he was going to be a winner in a while. He would be ending it all, saying goodbye to the world that did things against his wishes and life's no more going to be a surprise - neither pleasant nor unpleasant. Life's now certain...

It's there at the edge of the terrace over 24th story, he stood firm and wind wasn't going to push him down. It would be his self, 'I have all rights on my life and I'm not dying, I'm just transforming to another world that I know exists away from where I stand and all I wish will happen in my new world. I shall have no miseries and never feel deprived of anything that I deserve whatsoever and I'm moving on not from life to death but life to another' He stepped ahead and was just another step behind the fall.

'Yes, I don't need any courage to step ahead. I have it all and I'm moving on. I am the winner!' he said and stepped in air. 

It wasn't too long before he transformed and what he thought or what he felt after that and how much of his new life was all that he wished for he couldn't tell. He had left and nothing mattered, not even his victory elsewhere! When he transformed it was all dark as if none had any vision, but echoing sounds - sounds that screamed unendingly...

'You left everything you had, you get nothing anymore, you've played your last move and spent all bucks, the Game's just over!'

When there ain't a life in a life, how can it be after!