No man's land...!

For many years I lived in a state of remoteness and had survived in a world that belonged to nobody. You may call it ‘no man’s land’ where no human being ever stayed or lived with another. Even if you saw someone it was mostly in your dreams and none in reality… a world of all creatures of god except one… The Human!

Though I very much belonged to the normal world and was brought up like everyone else there was an assignment like the one that Lord Ram was given. But the condition being I go to ‘no man’s land’ alone. I wandered everywhere and saw lot many things and for a while, I was very excited! I talked a lot to myself high and loud, and felt as if there was someone with me… of course it was my soul. Days passed and months stretched with very little indifference! But there was one spot which I always went to again and again…

It was a little pond that I rushed so often. The water slept still in this pond and reflected the blue sky very well. Carefully standing on a stone placed with so much difficulty in the middle of the pond I looked down. I looked down concentrating on the water surface below and was bending to the extent I could. I was curious to see how I looked and what had changed in me!

Having not seen myself in the mirror for last few months I was worried if my face looked dull or if I lost more hair! This was an exercise that I was trying for so long but didn’t quite succeed in seeing myself completely and bugged of it I quit to come back all over once again just in a while. It’s so difficult to live in such a blind world where you cannot see yourself! You may loose your eyes one day and probably not see any of your loved ones but you cannot live another day without seeing yourself!

It made me think about those primitive days when man had not yet discovered mirrors or objects to reflect his image. But there were other people in whose eyes man first saw himself! Humans … they were made with each other and they were made for each other not against or different from each other as being perceived. We only talk about oneness but actions don’t reflect this belief. A Pakistani treats an Indian differently and a north Indian to a south Indian and a tamilian to a malayali and a neighbor to you. Were we not all one? Or at least we say so on a national day or a world earth day etc…!

All such thoughts crossed my mind when I couldn’t see even a single human not even myself in such a big world! The water didn’t show me ‘myself’ rightly, may be my neighbor did which I never realized or accepted! I prayed this time would pass by and I get to see all my brothers and sisters… we all don’t live in no man’s land but we act as if we did!

Why?

Speech'less'…!

‘Raffles Place’ was where she was supposed to get down when she boarded the heavily crowded MRT on a Saturday noon. Her red suit and a disco belt across sleek waist added to her striking feature. Struggling to get to the other end of the door she got my eyes piercingly focused on her moves. I stood resting on the closed doors to the other end of exit as she embraced the iron pillar somewhere in the crowd. The train started to move…

She turned around to find my constant stare and looked straight into my eyes while I looked away. Seconds later I was naturally diverted to see where she was now seeing and precisely that’s when she again looked straight. It was also a staring glare! This eye in eye out happened for a while. As the train crossed stations people were getting off and most of the seats were empty to occupy. I never moved from where I stood and looked at the iron pillar which was embraced by lovely arms. Sometimes a pillar is luckier…!

She had turned backwards and bent a little to set her hair at her delicate best. But the attention was flowing both ways and each was busy with the other than oneself! I smiled without expression and didn’t know what she was feeling or doing. Probably we both knew our stations had crossed over but stood still in the moving train…

Just in a while the train had reached its last destiny and those 40 minutes seemed like 4 seconds. We had to get down and walk up to the escalator where I stood next to her and those 40 minute old gestures didn’t change. We had walked out of the MRT station and were at the traffic light while she started walking to the red light. While I saw the red light I was already in the middle of the road. A speeding car rushed and rode into us in a jiffy…!

I was hit badly and was almost unconscious even as a huge crowd gathered around me like I was a celebrity! I was rushed to the hospital and I didn’t know how badly I was hurt. After a few hours and post operation I opened my eyes to see my panicking friends and smiled at them.

‘How are you feeling?’
I threw a feel-good smile back at them.

‘Why did you walk against the signal?’ one of them asked.

The answer was not easy for me to compose and as I turned to my right I saw a girl dressed in red on the next bed. She turned to me once again and I winked! She stretched her hand on which I breath my last!

I had not spoken to my wife for past 10 days and we accidentally met today at the MRT. We didn’t want to go our own ways like we had thought 10days ago and both waited until the other spoke, which never happened…

Eternal …!

The first drop of monsoon had fallen some days ago and the trees never dried after that. This was a never ending season of showers with only difference being the amount of liters it poured! Sometimes the clouds did give way to dearly moon and it was one such night when the moon shined at her glorious best reflecting each drop that rained down. From a point below the banyan tree the leaves managed to look green like it was a bright sunny day! As her eyes rolled over from one corner of the sky to the other standing beneath the banyan tree that sheltered her for past few hours, she pictured the droplets that fell at the tail of innumerous lightening!

Whether she cried or the rain-gods did, she didn’t know! She was drenched like a duck and the sari stuck to her sleek tender body like petals to a flower! Each droplet at the tip of her eyelash resembled the morning mist on the tiny leaves! Her red lips turned crimson due to long cleansing! It was difficult on that rainy night to say if the glorious most was she or the moon! She sometimes stood still and for a while walked… the walk turned nearly into a vibrant motion. For the tunes of falling drops and ice mass she danced into pleasure. She moved on the grass bed with open arms as she reminded him of a peacock!

It was a wait that brought her every night onto the banyan tree where they had danced, chatted, made love and rested on each other’s shoulders. It was a wait that told her he would come… without knowing anything about his whereabouts she waited blindly for many months. Each night different and each wait was fresh as she smiled at far off distance as though she saw him. It was a gesture of being teased by him that she threw!

After pouring for so many days it was an unusual scene for her to feel the mute night for the rains had stopped! All of a sudden it looked scary and she hid herself beneath the rock bench down the tree. Only interruption to the silence was her brisk breaths until those footsteps that were growing into her ears…

Someone was walking down to her and her lips broadened with a mild smile. Hopes multiplied and heartbeat was faster and she was nodding as if welcoming the walker! As he approached the bench, he stood beneath the banyan tree and uncovered his flute. With a mere contented feel he whistled the flute gently once. This time the lightening was in her nerves!

He blew the second time and her hand had moved by itself. There was a third blow when she stretched her leg. The fourth blow was accompanied by the resonance of her bangles. Next few blows over the flute had brought her to a world of euphony… immersed in his flute he never stopped and she had picked up a quixotic dance! Both were going around the banyan tree without a glimpse of each other…

She almost fell in his arms as he held his flute away! It was an embrace that was long waiting!

‘I knew you would come back…’ she whispered.

‘I’ve come to say good-bye’ he countered her thoughts.

‘I’m going away and to marry another girl…’

She was now one foot away and for the first time their eyes met. She swallowed all that she wanted to say and he posed a warming smile. The distance started growing as they walked unconsciously, away from each other. The mammoth banyan tree stood there as the symbol of an eternal love that kept growing with the distance and the night had sunk in hell for her!

Radha was never made for him. And Krishna was meant for someone else…

Sunday…!

Week after week once again one more Sunday arrived quite fast and this is one day everyone wishes to see soon and never wants to see off… I got up quite late and the mind was programmed to have the feel that it’s a Sunday! How well! You know it’s Sunday when the weather is calm, roads look open and free, little ones busy dragging their parents out and of course you get up very late. When I got up it was late morning and early noon and sun was right on top of my roof.

There was a missed call from folks last night at1:30am! Oops… for a moment I was scared to see why they would call so late but quickly realized that it was only 11pm back home. How much I wish if all of us on earth lived on a single time zone! However, there’s still an advantage for this time difference. My travel time is shortened. While it takes 7hrs from my house, it only takes 2hrs to go back! Superb! It gets me excited since I’m traveling very soon :)

Then there was a message from good ol’ friend saying there’s no mood to go out today and we may not meet up. Well, that’s a typical Sunday… you’re so lazy and wish everything just stays on and nothing moves on. But then I had to buy stuffs for coming week and was pushing myself to go out. And then it had started raining cats and dogs! I just opened my windows and was enjoying the rain while I ordered for onion rings from McD. Then I searched for some movies online when I caught up with ‘purab aur pachchim’ on youtube. Well I couldn’t watch the whole movie because the rain had stopped and I had to go out. While I bought a few stuffs I realized I had missed buying some only when I reached home :(

Then there was washing of clothes and a stroll at the condo later in the evening. Phone calls back home and I saw the moon replacing a bright Sunday! It was only on Sundays when I hated to see moon while on others day I waited to see her! So another Sunday was coming to an end bringing a whole new week. However few things do cross my mind…

A morning that starts with Rangoli and a cup of coffee on bed,
Special breakfast with mom and dad
Sometimes guests to visit and regional movie in the noon
Some precious time spent with all at home
Spider man in the evening and no homework today
A big evening and a long day… that’s why I love you Sunday!

Sandwich…

One more time on the same road on another day I ran onto an ordinary cloudy morning! It wasn’t any different and had now become more of a routine, so I was at ease. But the lady with her dog again banged at me. It so happened that every morning when I take my turn at the tennis court she would come by the other end and we bang! Wow, its amazing… I meant the timing! Not once, not twice, many times. How do such things happen!? First time I said sorry but from next time we just smiled at each other and there was a sense of surprise on both faces… or may be even on her doggy’s face!

So many faces had grown familiar and it had almost started like feeling at home. This is a very unusual feeling for people like me. They always complain of wanting to be at home, while others make the place they live their home! All these apart, I kept running and thoughts didn’t stop… they were running faster than me…

This was a phase when I was sandwiched between right and wrong! When I say I want to take revenge, how far am I sure that the other person deserves to be deserted? When I say I commit, how far is the other person loyal? When I truly believe you how far are you honest even with yourself? Last night I didn’t want to sleep when I was looking for one such answer and went down to the kid’s park where I was on the mini sea-saw. I played alone and was going up and coming down rolled into my own question bank! I left the sea-saw balanced but it never stayed… it would either swing to the right or to the left. While I walked past away from it, the left had become right!

Today however I’m happy to see this ordinary and usual morning because I’ve grown into them and like them this way! And my abs were showing good signs of pride to run harder and farther. The return trip was always a walk and again the trees were bowing down… I rushed into the swimming pool and was tired as I walked into the kitchen for my ready to eat sandwiches ;)

While winning gold medal was so delighting, series loss was disappointing… the critics had gathered for another right or wrong session…!

At the Harbor Front…

Ever shining water few feet beneath from where I sit,
Red clouds leaving only a small little window on the big wide sky for a full moon to peep,
Snail paced mini ships nearby and cable cars away,
A few lost lovers in their own world while kids made it their playground,
With a cold café latte in hand, the giant Merlion facing me is where I sit…

It was another Friday! Another weekend was arriving and probably for the first time this afternoon I felt it was still a Thursday! Most often I hate it to go back home on a Friday evening like I do every other evening… it’s an occasion to celebrate, its time to chill and rock on! But you know sometimes you are left with yourself while your neared ones are in a different world and a different world is near you…

I decided to come to this place which had grown a favorite hangout of mine apart from the lovely East Coast Park! Probably because I love to see as much open sky as land which I get here… senior citizens were busy dancing at the entrance, two trains always moved one towards and one back from the Sentosa Island. There’s a view of sky tower from where you get glimpses of Malaysia and Indonesia and don’t know what else! One decorated ferry always poses for visitors… ‘Happy National Day, Singapore’… it read (which is of course tomorrow)! The biggest company in Singapore who’s also my client occupies the port to the other end. It feels good that I nearly completed the infrastructure setup for them today and that’s not really the reason for being contented…

Though this week started off with a shocker of my life time (I really need another big blog to explain this) I didn’t give any damn and life for me from this point looked just ‘cooler’ than ever before! Failures or loses don’t come to make us cry… they just come to see what we do with them! I learnt to play with them and embrace them… I hope I always do…

So the very next day something miraculous was waiting to happen as my orkut’s fortune of the day foresaw! Well I don’t believe in all these… but I do secretly peep into the orkut’s fortune because it never says anything negative and whatever positive it reads makes you feel more optimistic for a while! So this was another ordinary phase but it looks to me more special, may be because I looked at it with cheer!

Very soon I picked my cellphone and called up few dear friends… at the end of all those 5 or 6 calls my happy mood turned happier! Such is the friendship’s charm! (I need another blog to write on this one too)

When I smiled at that little one she looked happy,
The small cute boy came to me with a toffee…
It’s all so bright and colorful
Life from here looks just wonderful
Come, join and celebrate…
For a small grin you don’t have to wait… its harbor front mate :)